Stop the annoying people by using good comebacks. Using these can make you superior.
Person making your mom jokes
- Person: Your mom likes old men.
You: Of course she does. They perform better than you!
Chef made you a terrible meal
- Chef: You becoming a vegetarian?
You: Yeah, if you remain a cook.
Person who never stops talking
- You: I sure wish I had some masking tape right about now.
- You: Does your mouth operate on premium fuel?
Woman being approached by a male
- Man: Hey, would you like to dance?
Woman: No thanks, I prefer men.
- Man: So why haven't you approached me?
Woman: Better choices out there.
- Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Yes.. and for my friends as well.
- Man: Hey you're pretty cute!
Woman: I know, every guy here told me the same.
- Woman: Sex was great!
Man: Olive oil may have helped!
Person giving you advice
- Person: Do not drink and drive!
You: Alright fine.. I'll drive and drink.
You got into a car accident from speeding
- Person: Learn how to drive!
You: I don't have time!
- Person: Has anyone ever told you that you can't drive?
You: Nope, but your mom said I'm a great one in the bedroom.
Driving standard - Changing gears while turning.
- Passenger: Drivers book says you can't change gears while turning.
Driver: Yeah, well it also says you can't speed. But does anyone listen?
- Woman: You suck!
You: No I don’t. That’s your job.
Person not feeling too well
- Person: I'm getting a funny feeling..
You: It may be gas.