Funny Voice Messages - What To Say When Answering?

Shaving

• Hello, I'm shaving right now. Half my face is baby smooth while the other half makes me go "Ho Ho Ho.. Merry Christmas!" What's up?

• AHHH.. I got shaving creme all over my phone! Silly me, tricks are for kids!

Gardening

• Hey, they say money doesn't grow on trees? Well soon it'll be growing out of my garden! What's up?

• Hi, I'm planting a garden with your mom right now. After she's going to take me out for lunch. Is there anything you need before I hang up?

Mowing The Lawn

• Hey, I'm cutting the grass and can't hear what the heck you are saying!

Driving

• Hey name, I'm on the road being chased by some farmers in a truck with pitchforks hanging out the window. Maybe they'll stop chasing me if I turn off this getaway music.

Watching TV

• Hello, I'm watching you on TV right now and see that your pants zipper is down.

In School

• Hey, can't talk. I'm in class right now listening to my teacher explain the difference between a glass of water and gasoline. But to be honest with you, I think she's been sniffing the second one.

In A Financial Situation

• This $100 bill looks sweet. I'm feeling.. and sniffing it up.. right.. now.. Oh yes.. I've just had a financial orgasm!

• I just won the lottery and will be changing my phone so no one can get a hold of me.. muAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Since this is the last call I'll be receiving from you, I'm asking what do you want for the last time?

In Bed

• You woke me up and now.. I'M ON PMS!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?

• I'm in bed and I don't sleep with strangers. Why are you calling this late?

• Moan out loud and then say I'm just kidding but I am in bed though.

Having Sex

• Oh yeah.. ohh.. baby.. yeah.. who built this house? WHO BUILT THIS HOUSE!?? Oops, I meant to say.. Hello?

• What the heck do you want? I'm busy trying to.. you know.. find the hole.

Funny Voice Messages For Any Situation

• Hi, you've reached Dave's fan club. Please take a number.

• .. I really like the way this dress looks on me. I'm turning myself on.. Hello?

• Yellow.. Get it? I rhymed with hello. I'm such a loser!

• Stop bugging me. I'm trying to make a paper airplane!

• Talk to me!

• Dave's Pornstar Services.. Dave speaking!

In the past when my girlfriend called, I used the following when answering.

• Hey brat..

• Hey I'm busy watching french porn. This is some hilarious stuff. I'll call you back later!

• Now what do you want!? I know you want me, but come on..

• Dave is not here right now. He may return when he gets off the toilet.

This page will have a lot more funny voice messages added soon. Creating funny voice messages will help improve your sense of humor.