Funny Answering Machine Messages
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Use funny answering machine messages and you'll have people calling you more often. If you are not a fan of showing off your popularity, this section isn't made for you.

Alcohol Related

  • A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call me back in 48 hours when I'm R for Recovered!

  • A is for apple, B is for beer and that may be why I'm not here. Leave a message.

  • I'm pretty drunk & unstable. Good thing I'm not answering calls.

You're Lazy?

  • I'm probably too lazy to answer. Leave a message and I'll call back. If I don't, then, I'm still being lazy.

  • I had the phone ringing in my hand but was too lazy to answer.

Funny Answering Machine Messages That Rhyme

  • Yo, this is Dave coming to you from the rave, never knowing when to behave. I can rhyme within time and you should leave one before I eat a bun.

  • Make sound effects with your mouth. Yo Yo Yo.. This is Dave who's here to make the save. You want to talk to me but I will be charging a fee..

Being Another Character

  • If you are a male, keep your voice and say you are a female. Hi, this is Dave's girlfriend. I drove him in debt and took his phone. Leave a message and if you sound rich & sexy, you'll hear back!

  • Keep your original voice. Hi, I’m Katie and.. Who did I say I was? Oh man, I gotta keep off certain things.

Interesting Funny Answering Machine Messages

  • You've reached the countdown.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..

  • Moan out loud. I’m busy.. working.. out.. leave.. a.. message..

  • "Hi you reached your name and I'm not here. Leave a message.. BEEP.." Seconds later say "That was a fake beep. Here comes the real one.."


  • Oh wicked, I finally got an answering machine. YAY! Now how do you work this thing? Let's see.. To record message, press the REC button. Alright, where is the REC button? Someone else says out loud Dave you moron, it's right here and you already pressed it! Then you say Ahh crap!


  • Back in MY DAY we didn't use answering machines. We used jumbo sized devices to take messages for us. Those we called "Answering Machines"..

  • This answering machine is expensive and works like a piece of junk!

Funny Answering Machine Messages Getting Right To The Point

  • What the heck do you want!?

  • Be sarcastic in this one. This is a funny answering machine message.

  • I'm bored...

  • Hi, I understand how annoying long messages can be. Why do people always waste so much time talking about nothing? Well I'm with you on this one. I can't stand people who leave long messages talking about nothing useful. Why can't they just get to the point? All they have to say is "Hey I'm not here cause I'm doing important stuff. Leave a message!" Anyways I kept this message short. Leave one after the beep.

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Funny Phone Messages