Episode 02 - Daves Funnybone

Welcome to Episode 02 of Daves Funnybone.

When Moments Go Wrong

There was a nice Ferrari parked on the road. Beside it was two nice blonde women looking in the window. It appeared as if they wanted to break in. I figured this was a great moment to use my humor. So I said "Hey ladies, a hanger works best!" and I succeeded. Next second the two girls were.. put into the back seat of a cop car.

Oops, my bad!

Dave The Teacher

Dave applied to be a college Spanish professor. The board of directors accepted and he got the job. Class has just begun.

Dave: Hi class, I’m your professor. My name is Dave and we’ll get started!
Girl01: You’re pretty hot!
Dave: I know but shouldn't we talk about this later? I know you want to do some.. you know, but I'll let you know later where we can.. you know.. wink
Boy: Don't think about the deans office. I was there minutes ago and he was with ANOTHER student doing.. you know..
Dave: Hmm, now I'm gonna have to think of another place for us to have some..
Monica: Hey professor, this is Spanish class! Would you please stop talking sexual and get to teaching? If not I'm going to report you to the deans office!
Dave: Wow, a student in class who actually wants to learn. I never knew your kind still exists! Alright class, what does hola mean?
Girl02: I KNOW I KNOW!!

Dave turns his attention to the girl and says proudly..

Dave: You have a really nice chest! Oops, I meant to say what's the answer?
Girl02: It means “Hi!”

Dave then checks the English-Spanish dictionary and says..

Dave: That's correct! What does Pierro mean?
Girl02: Dog!
Dave: That’s correct. Do you know the entire Spanish language and are using this class to get easy marks?
Girl02: Yes I am!
Dave: Well… Good for you! I would do the same thing!

Dave ran out of Spanish words to teach. He has to quickly think of something or else everyone will know he’s a fraud and will ruin episode 02!

Dave: Yo quierro Taco Bell!
Monica: Umm.. You want Taco Bell?
Dave: Hmm… so that’s what it means.. I better take note!

DID YOU KNOW.. Episode 02 is the second episode?

Dave The Reporter

I am at the site of a company who’s on strike. I am now going to interview some of the workers to get their thoughts on everything. I just hope they don’t bore me to sleep!

Dave: So worker #1, what’s your name?
Tony: Hi, I’m Tony!
Dave: Oh wicked, as in Tony Danza from the TV series Who’s The Boss!!!!
Tony: Umm no..
Dave: YEAH!! Hey can I get your autograph? And can you say “Hey Angela! Tony is here!” ?
Tony: Who the heck are you?
Dave: I’m Dave The Reporter..
Tony: And I can see you love the classic TV series Who’s The Boss.. Now get lost!

Oh man, I can’t wait to tell my friends I met Tony Danza! Now I’m looking for a second person to interview and.. WOW! I just wet my pants!

Dave: Hey baby, I mean worker #2, what’s your name?
Debra: I’m Deb.
Dave: Umm the script I’m reading says you are Debra!
Debra: Okay, you just screwed up this live episode! Good job, now the audience knows this is all scripted!

Oops, I really f**ked up! Now I'm going to try to interview another hottie!

Dave: Hey sexy, what’s your name?
Sarah: Why are you asking? You already messed up with Debra earlier!
Dave: Ok fine Sarah, so why are you on strike?
Sarah: It’s because we aren’t being treated fairly!
Dave: Fairly in what way?
Sarah: Our boss is paying us minimum wage and we deserve more!
Dave: By the way, this is a bit off topic, have you ever seen the Ali G show?
Sarah: No, why?
Dave: Let me introduce you to something funny. I would like to do a liquid explosion inside of you!
Sarah: That’s not funny, that’s perverted! SLAP!

Alright, apparently no one likes me. Actually it’s more like Tony Danza thinks I’m nuts. Debra thinks I’m stupid and Sarah thinks I’m a sexist pig! I’m starting to sound like A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell. Oh well!

DID YOU ALSO KNOW.. Episode 02 is really long?

Dave’s Blind Date

Dave is a lazy man.
He meets women off dating sites.
Tons of success.
Tons of phonies.

Scenario: Dave chatted with a woman from a dating site. She agreed to meet him at a local bar. She said she can ONLY see him at night. All we know is..

• Dave's a sexy beast.

• The woman knows Dave is a sexy beast.

• He has no clue what she looks like!

In this episode 02 special we'll find out what happens.

Local Bar – 8:15pm

I sat down playing the waiting game. Only hot waitresses were around. My nose got quite itchy & as no one was watching I decided to pick it. When a nice chunky booger was laying on my finger tip, SHE walked in..

Woman: Hi there, are you Dave?

Very quickly I was trying to dispose my booger so without realizing, I put it in my mouth.

Dave: Ummm yes.. sit down!

I was thankful she didn’t notice what I just did. Better yet, I’m thankful she is pretty cute.

Woman: Was that a candy you put in your mouth?

Okay, a candy that’s like 8.923mm big? Alright, I’ll stick to that story.

Dave: Yes it was. It’s one of those NEW tasteless candies.

Smart thinking genius!

Woman: Oh really, do you have one I can try?

Now why do you want a candy which is tasteless? Better yet, why do you want one of my boogers? Oh yeah, she doesn’t know that’s what I put in my mouth.

Dave: Sorry I’m all out but I have a stick of gum if you like?
Woman: You’re saying I have bad breath!?!?
Dave: No, I’m just being nice!

Hmmm.. I’m not sure if that was used at the right time. Oh no, I think I’m in big trouble now.

Woman: Okay I’ll take it.
Dave: By the way, what’s your name?
Woman: My name is Melissa
Dave: Saying “Melissa” requires too much effort. Is there a shorter name I can use?
Woman: Hahaha, you’re funny. Yeah you can call me “Mel”


Local Bar – 9:31pm (Yes 1.261111111111 hours have gone by!)

Mel: So do you want to stay here.. or go somewhere else?

Wow.. I think she’s horny. This would make a great story for me to brag about.

Dave: Let’s go somewhere else!
Mel: Alright, let’s go to my car and… we’ll decide where after!

YES.. I’M GOING TO A WOMANS CAR!! I DEDICATE THIS MOMENT TO ALL MY BOYZ WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN INSIDE A VEHICLE DRIVEN BY A WOMAN!!

Now we are in her car. She drives a Toyota Echo and there’s no room at all.

Mel: So where do you want to go?

Well the first choice would be my car! But that would seem way too obvious so I’ll say..

Dave: My car!

Good job Dr. Smooth!

Mel: Why? Cause it’s BIGGER?

She figured me out already. I better think of a quick excuse!!!

Dave: Well… yeah!

Wow, I'm way too honest!

Mel: I agree, it may be better for things to progress!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! I’m in! So now we’re in my car.

Mel: Well this car is quite roomy.. and rusty!

Geez, what a cocky ^#$%@ I’m dealing with tonight! I would diss up her car but.. I kinda want to get some action from her tonight!

Dave: Yeah I agree. You should see the back seat. I bet you wouldn’t be able to find any rust back there!

Yo, that was SMOOOOOOOOOTH.

Mel: HAHA, you trying to take advantage of me?
Dave: Yes, but in a sexy non-noticing way!

No comment..

Mel: Well… Your plan worked! Let’s go!

YeyeYEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Episode 02 brought you the true Blind Date story. And that has been brought to you by Insider Internet Dating. Check it out for a free 60 minute interview full of fantastic online dating tips.

That's it for Episode 02. The next episode of Daves Funnybone will come at the start of September. By registering with our RSS Feed, you'll be notified of when future episodes are up. To learn more about registering, you'll have to leave episode 02 and click on Funny Blog.

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