Episode 01 - Daves Funnybone
Welcome to Episode 01 of Daves Funnybone.When Moments Go WrongOn Mother's day Dave grabbed a bouquet of roses, walked to his mother, handed them to her and said “Happy Fathers Day!”
Episode 01 rocks because finally you get to witness..
Dave Working Fast Food!Dave needed a job. So he walked in the local fast food restaurant and asked to speak to the manager. To Dave’s surprise, the manager was stoned. Manager: Heeeeeeeeey mannnnnnn…
Dave: Umm hey, are you the manager?
Manager: Ya man!
Dave: Oh wicked, it’s been my dream to have a boss who’s stoned during work!
Manager: Ya man!
Dave: I need a job and would like to work here.
Manager: Ya man!
Dave: Here’s my resume.
Manager: Ya man!
The manager after grabbing Dave’s resume just stood there doing nothing.
Dave: Aren’t you going to read it?
Manager: Ya man!
Dave realized since all he says is “Ya man!” he should ask if he got the job.
Dave: So do I have the job?
Manager: I don’t know.. I have to read your resume first! Geez, you think getting a job is THAT easy? You think I’m going to hire any bum who randomly comes off the street with a professional looking resume and applies here? Well Mr. Dave, I don't operate in that fashion! I am a professional manager who does things right! You think just cause my eyes are red, that I am not responsible? I am the greatest manager to ever have stepped in this restaurant!
Dave: So do I have the job?
Manager: Yeah.. You start tomorrow!
Dave: Awesome!
Episode 01 now presents some funny data from..
Dave The Psychic! Daves Funnybone Exclusive!He has super duper trooper pooper powers.He can predict anyone anytime anywhere any place
(Oops, I was repetitive!)
People call this man “Dave the psychic!”
And he’s here to answer YOUR questions!
Q: Hey Dave, while driving how do I avoid rush hour?
A: Follow an ambulance which has the sirens flashing. It will clear the traffic for you!
Q: I would love to make some friends. What is the best way to?
A: Give a random person your paycheck & make sure you get his/her phone number.
Q: What is my favorite T.V. station?
A: Whatever station shows your parents performing in bed.
Q: Hi Dave, gas is expensive. Can you tell me the best way of saving?
A: Eat some burritos from Taco Bell. And use the gas that’s created to fill up!
Q: I have no money and want to build a new house. What inexpensive materials exist?
A: Cardboard. Build yourself a cardboard mansion.
Q: Dave, which is better, XBOX or PS2?
A: PS2 – It’s not made in America.
Q: Hi I’m 51 and wondering how can I lose weight quickly?
A: I don’t know. The girl who I just slept with should know. That would be your daughter!
Q: People tell me I shouldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Can you tell me why?
A: You will scare yourself.. and that may result in a heart attack.
Q: Why do my kids always want to sleep at the next door neighbors house every night?
A: It’s because a man lives there. His name is.. Michael Jackson.
Q: Dave why are you so gay?
A: Because I hung around you too much.
The super duper trooper pooper powers were used.All questions were answered.By Dave.. The PSYCHIC!
And finally.. The episode 01 finale..
Living The Cheap LifeDave is a smart man with his money.
He never overspends.
Never files for bankruptcy.
Always thinks smart with his BLING BLING
Joe: Hey Dave, let’s go to the bar!
Dave: Alright, I’ll drive!
Joe: AWESOME! I CAN DRINK! But why are you driving?
Dave: Taxi’s cost money! LOTS of money!
Joe: Actually we drink and I’ll pay for the taxi!
Dave: Sorry but no. Drinks cost me money as well!
Joe: Alright, I’ll buy the drinks!
Dave: But… does that include the tips? Cause tips cost lots of money!
Joe: Ummm.. yeah fine!
Dave: That sounds good!
That was Scenario 1. What would happen if Dave did drive?
Dave: Sorry but no. Drinks cost me money as well!
Joe: So does the gas for your car!
Dave: Yes but my car has a 4 cylinder fuel efficient engine.
Joe: It still costs you money!
Dave: Less than $1 Canadian. I did the calculations. Listen!
For me to pick you up and go straight to the bar would be 2.1 kilometers. Also 2.1 km to head back home. My car does 42 km a gallon. Since gas is $1 a liter, I calculated it like this.
Total trip: 4.2 km
Gas: $1 a liter
Mileage: 42 km a gallon
Gallon = 4 liters
42 (km) divided by 4.2 (trip km) = 10
4 (liters a gallon) divided by 10 = .4
.4 of a liter of gas was wasted.
.4 x $1 divided by 1 (liter) = $.40
Dave: So by driving my standard car with each gear below 2,000 rpm, this would cost me $.40 worth of gas. I would give you the calculations of how much oil was wasted, the wear down on my tires and everything but I’ll save that for later.
Joe: You’re nuts!
QUESTION: For the car expert who’s reading this. Were my calculations done correctly? I want to make sure I made no errors in Episode 01 of Daves Funnybone. If I messed up, I may get fired!!
That's it for Episode 01. The next episode of Daves Funnybone will featureThanks for checking out Episode 01 of Daves Funnybone.
Leave Episode 01 & Return To Daves Funnybone
|
